the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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