he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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