Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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