So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Success! We fucked roommates!
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