I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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