I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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