At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
