Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
