3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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