You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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