just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
