I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
