just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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