my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
