You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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