Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
