I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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