theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
