My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
