my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
