My Higher Power is John Stamos
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
