No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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