i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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