dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
