And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
