My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
