Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
