Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
