I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
