K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
