All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
