We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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