when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
this must be what syphilis tastes like
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
