the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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