Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Randomize
