Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
