youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
