Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
