I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
