so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
