Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
