I think my fart just growled at me.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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