she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
