why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Four minutes until I can fart!
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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