When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
