I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
