My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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