you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
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