i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
