pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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