I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
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