I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Randomize
