As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She bit a glass in half.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
