what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
