it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
