It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
